Adventure.
Change.
New.
Different.
These are all words that seem to find expression when we approach the end and/or beginning of a month, year, season, or cycle.
Sometimes the end of something brings anxiety, other times it brings joy, other times we experience both joy and anxiety at the same time in varying degrees. The same often happens as the start of something arrives, especially if it is our first time experiencing this particular starting point.
Today is one of those days for me.
A start of sorts.
A new thing.
Well, as I sit with it, I realise that it’s really not new. I’ve been on trains before. In Europe and Africa to be exact, but this marks my first train experience in Asia. The location is new, and as a result, so is the experience.
To be honest, I put this off for almost four months.
Mmm, you’re right. That is a little overboard on the procrastination.
In my defense, the continent, the country, the city…. all the changes that have been involved have raised a level of hesitation that I didn’t normally have. The more I think about it, the greater the realization that the only real excuse for why I kept putting off this particular thing is fear.
I was afraid I would get lost. I was afraid I’d miss my stop. I was afraid I’d get on the wrong train. I was afraid I’d be late to where I was going. I was afraid to ask for English directions from complete strangers. I was afraid to say something offensive as I asked for directions. I was afraid to face what felt like a major new thing.
In all honesty, while I was struggling to face this one thing, I forgot that so far I had faced a million little new things every day since I made the decision to upend my life. Everything from learning how to share a Google maps pin, to using Google chat, to grocery shopping in stores where everything is displayed in Mandarin Chinese. All of these were small new things that I had faced without thinking too much about them.
The more I considered why taking a train was such a huge challenge to overcome, the more I realized that the problem was me. I had become so self-reliant that doing anything that requires asking others for help just didn’t sit well. Proverbs 18:1 (ESV) says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” As I consider the word isolate in this verse, I couldn’t help but wonder – is this the person I have become? A self-seeking, self-serving individualist?
So…. how did I end up on a train?
The easy answer – stewardship.
The answer I don’t want to face – community.
See we have been called to be a people who do best when we stand alongside others who help us become better. Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”.
Up until two weeks ago, I didn’t know there was a high speed train station close to where I live, or that one of the trains had a stop in a city I had been invited to attend an event in. As I was trying to figure out how to make it to the event, I messaged a friend and had a workable answer in literally minutes. An answer that I was willing to say yes to.
Now something that hadn’t even been an option I would have considered two months ago quickly began to paint a picture for a potential new way of life. It helped that this option would also save me both money and time.
With help from strangers, I made it to the event and back home with little to no challenge. I still felt all the anxiety borne out of anticipating the new, and not wanting to make mistakes or fail on my first try, but I was reminded that breaking out of comfort zones is rarely frictionless.
One of the things I am re-learning in this season is how to trust my community and ask for help. This shouldn’t really be a problem, but for someone who has found a level of pride in being self-sufficient…. it’s proving to be a challenge.
If you are in a transition season, in between the new and the soon to be old, here’s my encouragement to you – ask, seek, knock (Matthew 7:7-12).
Love and light,
Elsie